The Penis Cookie

from $10.00

We baked it. You’re staring. Let’s not pretend this cookie isn’t doing something for you. Our 3D penis cookie is nutrient-dense and absurdly satisfying, whether you’re celebrating a bachelorette, embracing your inner freak, or just want something to munch on that looks like it might text you at 2am.

Ingredients:

  • Almond Flour – For that good fat and vitamin E glow-up

  • Tapioca Starch – Gut-friendly fluff that keeps things chewy

  • Vital Performance Vanilla Protein Powder – So your hair, skin, nails, and muscles don’t give up on you

  • Homemade Ghee – Hormone-happy fats your grandma would approve of

  • Egg – Choline, protein, and vibes

  • Maple Syrup – Just enough to satisfy that sugar demon without turning you into one

The Flavors:

  • The OG (Buttery + Vanilla)

  • Harvest Hoe (Pumpkin Spice)

  • Moody Bitch (Chocolate)

  • Petal to the Metal (Rose)

  • Acid Trip (Yuzu)

  • Citrus Slut (Orange)

  • Hot Mess (Cinnamon + Ginger)

  • Savory Savage (Miso + Shoyu)

The Cap Vibes:

  • Plain

  • Floral (Mixed edible flowers)

  • Frosted (Forsting made with powder sugar - get over it)

Storage:

  • Keep in a cool, dry place for up to 4–5 days

  • Store in the fridge for up to 7 days

  • Freeze for up to 1 month (use parchment or compostable wrap to layer like a pro)

The Cap Vibe:
Flavor:

We baked it. You’re staring. Let’s not pretend this cookie isn’t doing something for you. Our 3D penis cookie is nutrient-dense and absurdly satisfying, whether you’re celebrating a bachelorette, embracing your inner freak, or just want something to munch on that looks like it might text you at 2am.

Ingredients:

  • Almond Flour – For that good fat and vitamin E glow-up

  • Tapioca Starch – Gut-friendly fluff that keeps things chewy

  • Vital Performance Vanilla Protein Powder – So your hair, skin, nails, and muscles don’t give up on you

  • Homemade Ghee – Hormone-happy fats your grandma would approve of

  • Egg – Choline, protein, and vibes

  • Maple Syrup – Just enough to satisfy that sugar demon without turning you into one

The Flavors:

  • The OG (Buttery + Vanilla)

  • Harvest Hoe (Pumpkin Spice)

  • Moody Bitch (Chocolate)

  • Petal to the Metal (Rose)

  • Acid Trip (Yuzu)

  • Citrus Slut (Orange)

  • Hot Mess (Cinnamon + Ginger)

  • Savory Savage (Miso + Shoyu)

The Cap Vibes:

  • Plain

  • Floral (Mixed edible flowers)

  • Frosted (Forsting made with powder sugar - get over it)

Storage:

  • Keep in a cool, dry place for up to 4–5 days

  • Store in the fridge for up to 7 days

  • Freeze for up to 1 month (use parchment or compostable wrap to layer like a pro)